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Made with Macintosh
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Friday, May 09, 2008
Made with Macintosh |
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41 Years of Wedded Bliss!!Bill and Marilyn are fourth-generation hicks living lives of quiet perspiration in a small Central Illinois farming community. Their main claim to fame is that they combined gene pools to create me. (As a side note, they had two other daughters, De-Ann and Dianna.)Bill, whose first two names are actually Billy Wayne, was a big-time high school basketball star in the late 1950s. He passed up several offers of college scholarships to marry my mom. Go figure. I call my Dad "Big, Bad Bill" because anybody bigger than ME has to be BAD! So what does Big, Bad Bill have going for him? He does his computing on a iMac. Cool! What does Bill NOT have going for him? He's a farmer, which means he gets really dirty and has a strange tan in the summer. (You can always tell a farmer by his stark white forehead.) Marilyn, who is severely height-challenged, was selected as "Angel on Earth" a few years ago by one of the area's newspapers. She helps the disadvantaged and downtrodden and puts everyone else first. She didn't even inflict capital punishment when we threw her in a snowdrift in her nightgown. Sorry, she's not for sale, so buzz off. I call my Mom "OFB" (acronym for Old Fat Broad). My Mom isn't old, and she isn't fat, and I have nothing against old fat people, but that's what I've called her since my rebellious teen years. (But that's nuthin'! I used to lock her in the closet when she was in a bad mood. It must've been terrible having a giant for a child!) Hear Marilyn say, "Old Fat Broad." Marilyn suffers from nasty migraines. Sumatriptan pills seem to work fairly well, but they cost 16 bucks a pop! De-Ann, first child of Bill and Marilyn, always hated her middle name of "Sue" and the alignment of her teeth. De-Ann currently possesses a husband, two well-mannered(?) children, a new house, and (FINALLY!) a butt-kickin' iMac! (Watch out--she's online!) De-Ann, like her mother, is also height-challenged. Darla (me), middle child, always hated Barbies and the fact that I stopped growing at 6'. I currently possess three purty Macintoshes, one comfortable husband, one wild child, a couple of whippets, two cats, my very own domain, Lanchester.net, and a one-way ticket to Heaven. I am not height-challenged. Dianna, last child, always hated the way I charged her 50 cents for the privilege of entering my room. She possesses one slightly banged-up husband (I wonder what he's broken today?), a couple of cute kids, and an annoying habit of working on Windoze (sic) computers. (What is she thinking??) Dianna is height-challenged, her growth stunted by the gamma radiation emitted by a yucky operating system made by Bill "I Love Janet Reno" Gates! She'd be at least three inches taller if she had chosen MacOS!
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